IN DEFENSE OF EWOKS
Ever since the release of Episode I in 1999 there has been a great deal of Star Wars backlash that has spread like wildfire through the pop culture landscape. With the prequels failing to recapture the original Star Wars magic, and cartoon movies like Clone Wars and it's various incarnations on Cartoon Network doing little to generate new generations of fans, the once great Star Wars legacy has been tarnished. I can't say that the backlash isn't justified because much of it is, and the disappointment felt by many fans is understandable, but when people's grievences with new era Star Wars cause them to lash out at percieved weaknesses in the original trilogy a line must be drawn. In other words leave the Ewoks out of this!
I am well aware that there was a lot of dislike for the Ewoks when Return of the Jedi first came out, but I have been hearing an unsettling amount of anti-Ewok chatter as of late.
The only Pro-Ewok sentiment I have heard since this trend of Star Wars bashing had begun was from an episode of "How I Met Your Mother". As much as I commend the show for taking such an unpopular stance in defense of Ewoks, it has done little to sway people's opinions. The simple fact is that Ewoks are kind of badass.
Here are my reasons why:
1) SAVAGE WARRIORS - The Ewoks annoy people because they look like little teddy bears, and they have shrill, high-pitched voices. I could understand all that if that was the limits of their being, but it's not! Underneath their teddy bear appearance they are savage warriors. During the battle of Endor they crushed storm troopers heads with rocks, and wailed on AT-ST's with logs and boulders, and fearlessly stole speeder-bikes. These are not Care Bears my friends, these are tiny woodland beast with cunning fury!
2) CARNIVORES - For cute tiny bears they do not fuck around when it's time to eat! Lest we forget the Ewoks captured Luke Skywalker and Han Solo and were going to EAT THEM. That's not cute, that is scary.
3) GREAT MUSICIANS - Before the Return of the Jedi Special Edition came about, the original film's closing moments treated us to an Ewok party-jam that showcased their ability to transform Storm Trooper helmets into percussion instruments. It cast a new light on these tiny creatures. They are battle-hardened, cunning warriors, for certain, but they also know how to party. Their dance moves aren't bad either considering their limited ability to bend at the knees.
4) MAJOR-LEAGUE PIMPIN' - When it comes to loving, the Ewoks are not intimidated by size. Size matters not! Case and point, every single Ewok tried to get with Chewbacca. He may be 4 times their size but that didn't stop any of them from trying to get a piece. It's a bit perverse but you can't deny the Ewoks have swagger. Confidence is key.
So in closing, say what you will about Jar-Jar Binks, or the Clone Wars cartoons, or whatever, but lay off the tiny Endor bipeds. Much like real bears, they are cute on the outside but they'll rip your face off and play party jams with your empy skull.
I am well aware that there was a lot of dislike for the Ewoks when Return of the Jedi first came out, but I have been hearing an unsettling amount of anti-Ewok chatter as of late.
The only Pro-Ewok sentiment I have heard since this trend of Star Wars bashing had begun was from an episode of "How I Met Your Mother". As much as I commend the show for taking such an unpopular stance in defense of Ewoks, it has done little to sway people's opinions. The simple fact is that Ewoks are kind of badass.
Here are my reasons why:
1) SAVAGE WARRIORS - The Ewoks annoy people because they look like little teddy bears, and they have shrill, high-pitched voices. I could understand all that if that was the limits of their being, but it's not! Underneath their teddy bear appearance they are savage warriors. During the battle of Endor they crushed storm troopers heads with rocks, and wailed on AT-ST's with logs and boulders, and fearlessly stole speeder-bikes. These are not Care Bears my friends, these are tiny woodland beast with cunning fury!
2) CARNIVORES - For cute tiny bears they do not fuck around when it's time to eat! Lest we forget the Ewoks captured Luke Skywalker and Han Solo and were going to EAT THEM. That's not cute, that is scary.
3) GREAT MUSICIANS - Before the Return of the Jedi Special Edition came about, the original film's closing moments treated us to an Ewok party-jam that showcased their ability to transform Storm Trooper helmets into percussion instruments. It cast a new light on these tiny creatures. They are battle-hardened, cunning warriors, for certain, but they also know how to party. Their dance moves aren't bad either considering their limited ability to bend at the knees.
4) MAJOR-LEAGUE PIMPIN' - When it comes to loving, the Ewoks are not intimidated by size. Size matters not! Case and point, every single Ewok tried to get with Chewbacca. He may be 4 times their size but that didn't stop any of them from trying to get a piece. It's a bit perverse but you can't deny the Ewoks have swagger. Confidence is key.
So in closing, say what you will about Jar-Jar Binks, or the Clone Wars cartoons, or whatever, but lay off the tiny Endor bipeds. Much like real bears, they are cute on the outside but they'll rip your face off and play party jams with your empy skull.
posted by firebaum @ 2:12 PM
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